I was in Starbucks the other day, and I happened to hear a couple of moms talking about how much trouble they had getting their school age kids to finish all their responsibilities and get into bed on school nights.
Homework time took forever. Showers were balked at. They were out of their bed three or four times for drinks or questions. You get the idea. And, I totally got it.
I remember those days.
These days, though, we don’t struggle with any of it. One advantage of having a lot of kids is you have time to perfect things.
My kids are older now and for the most part handle their stuff independently, which is the ultimate goal. (Note: This does not mean I don’t have to stay on them. I do! Even my twenty year olds. Grr.)
No matter what sports or school my kids were in, they pretty much had all the same expectations after school. Time had to be set aside for practice, homework, reading and chores. Not to mention dinner and bathtime! That is a lot to get in in a short amount of time!
In elementary, my kids got home around four and were in bed by eight or eight thirty. Now that Noah is in Jr. High, we aim for nine unless he has some special activity. While he does have a little more time before bed, he doesn’t get home until almost five every day. Basically, he still has four hours to get everything done.
He gets it done though! More importantly, I don’t have to yell, nag or otherwise ruin the little bit of time I get to spend with him every evening.
Here’s how we do it!
Allow Choice When Possible
Ultimately, my goal is for my kids to manage their own time without me micro-managing. That means I need to give my kids the power to make choices and live with the consequences as well.
At the beginning of the week, I will sit down with Noah and look at all of the homework and things he has to do. What time does he have available to do his homework? How can he get all of his homework done and still have time for what he wants to do?
Noah has about a twenty minute gap after school releases that he has to sit and wait on his bus. Instead of just goofing off with his friends, Noah chooses to knock out some homework. Most days he can finish what he needs to do during this time. If he doesn’t finish at school, he knows he has until just before dinner time to make sure he gets it done.
When he gets off the bus, I typically see how his day was and ask about the state of his homework. Some days, Noah is ready to have some free time, so he eats snack and heads outside or to his room. Then about thirty minutes before we eat, he will pull out his homework while I am cooking. He normally does this when he is having issues with some part of the work. Other days, he chooses to finish his work while he eats his snack and then have all the time until dinner to do what he wants to do.
Take TV and Electronics Out of the Equation
I know some of you just read that and inwardly groaned. But, this one thing is a game changer! It’s huge. Until my kids are in high school, I don’t allow electronics on school days! (You can read more ideas for video game management in this post.)
Think about it! No rushing to get done to get on video games. No getting on video games and then forgetting about their responsibilities. Plus, this gives me one other huge motivating factor!
I can offer time on electronics as a reward!
It looks like this in my house: Noah comes home and puts his phone away. He has a snack, then heads out to play for about forty-five minutes. Now it’s five. He gets the book out that he is reading and sits down to cool off and read. Then he takes the dogs outside. I ask to see his homework and quickly skim it while I am cooking. I tell him good job and that he can have the time until dinner is ready to get on his phone, computer, or TV. (I very rarely offer time on the PlayStation because he will literally spends a million hours on there if I let him).
If I would have checked his homework and he hadn’t done what he was supposed to do, I would have had him sit down and finish it while I was cooking. But, he did, so I compliment that thus rewarding the behavior I want to see.
I do not use electronics as a reward every day. Maybe a couple of times a week. Anymore than that, and you are setting an expectation. Some days, he gets to help make dessert. Some nights, I let him choose what we are watching as a family. Some nights, I just brag on how awesome he is to the rest of the family.
Extend Bedtime by 30 Minutes So They Can Read
Ok. So, underhanded mom trick here.
I want Noah in bed by 9:30 p.m. every night. I also need him to read every day. Preferably, willingly!
I simply tell him he has a 9:00 bedtime. BUT, I will let him keep the lights on until 9:30 if he is reading.
And, it’s that easy!
I am getting him to read. He feels like he is getting something special. It’s a win- win.
Now, if he doesn’t read, it’s lights out at 9:00. All of mine have always chosen to read and stay up by 30 minutes though. When I taught, I suggested this to parents as well and they all said it worked for their kids as well!
As an added bonus, reading helps them slow down, relax and get sleepy. They are usually asleep as soon as lights are out.
Be Consistent
This one is hard, I know! Things get in the way. Sports. Life. Other extra-curricular activities.
That said, as much as you can, be consistent.
I try to have dinner on the table by six every night. We are normally done eating by six thirty. The whole house does a quick clean up and chore list right after dinner while the kitchen is getting straightened. By seven, showers are starting. By eight, we are usually relaxing by watching something on TV or playing a game. By nine, my kids have all pretty much headed to their rooms. Noah is reading. My high school kids are doing whatever they need to do.
Me? I am enjoying the quiet!
I would love to hear about what evening routine works for your family! If you enjoyed this blog post, please subscribe!
Here is another blog post you might enjoy about teaching responsibility to kids! https://lifeofnine.com/teaching-responsibility/
